If Walls Could
Talk
by Trisana McGraw
Author's Note: All right: if you’ve read my long Daemon fanfic Divide, Render, Conquer (Chapter 2 specifically), you would understand about Protectors. For those of you who haven’t read the fic, a Protector is the ReBoot version of a guardian angel. Rasta Mon (or Raster Monitor) is the one who was assigned to Enzo Matrix; Stripe (not mentioned in this songfic) is Dot’s Protector. Anyway, Rasta Mon followed Enzo and Protected him during the Games (AndrAIa too, since she and Enzo are together), remaining unseen until DRC, when he revealed himself to them for the first time. These are Rasta Mon’s thoughts over the 12 years/hours (actually just 1) they spent in the Games. At this time, Matrix and AndrAIa are probably 17. Rated PG-13.
Can you keep a secret?
Rasta Mon knew all about the Games. He had experienced everything: the terrors, the joys and losses. As Enzo's Protector he had had to watch over him and AndrAIa over the hours.
These walls keep a secret
That only we knew
He thought back to those times, when they had been forced to grow up quickly, losing their childhood at a frightening rate.
But how long can they keep it
`Cause we're two lovers who lose control
It had been sweet to watch their puppy love develop into a strong friendship that eventually became love. They had needed that love to make it through the many hours of struggle and searching, as they never found their home.
We're two shadows chasing
rainbows
Behind closed windows
Behind closed doors
Rasta Mon watched as their bond kept them together, through tragedy and sorrow. But they were only young sprites, and each hour became harder to endure. Their love and faith were strong, but it came to be on one night that the two sprites, seventeen hours old, fell to the despair.
If walls could talk - oh
They would say "I want you more"
They would say "Hey - never felt like this before"
Enzo had begun to change. AndrAIa was changing, too, but it was Enzo who was becoming totally different from the little boy he had been when their adventures in the Games began.
Yet, though they argued and fought at times, they were always together. They were friends, and they loved each other.
And that you would always be
The one for me
But was simple love enough to save them from their bitter existence in the Games?
Two people making memories
Just too good to tell
They had set up camp in a wilderness Game. The weather outside was frigid, and the moods of the Game's players were hard and angry after countless failures to find their home.
Rasta Mon hovered inside the tent where Matrix and AndrAIa stood. He was invisible, unseen to the sprites but able to hear their every word as they repeated the argument they had been holding for hours. Rasta Mon could recite it himself.
"We'll find Mainframe, Enzo." AndrAIa, always the one to comfort, to reassure.
Her friend snorted. "How are you so sure?" Matrix, shrugging off the outside world to retreat into his own hardened core.
And these arms are never empty
When we're lying where we fall
AndrAIa growled with exasperation. "Why can't you be encouraging for once, Enzo?"
"What, and act totally oblivious to the truth?" he shot back. "We're never going to get home, don't you understand, AndrAIa?"
"Well, not with that attitude," AndrAIa told him. "All you've done is growl and push others around. You're changing." Her voice cracked, and she swallowed to compose herself, lest she show she was upset.
Matrix sneered at her. "Why don't you just leave, then?" But he regretted the words as soon as he said them. AndrAIa was all he had left. She reminded him of his hope, and without her he was nothing.
And he tried to dash the hope away every second. He didn't deserve her. Ashamed, Matrix turned away.
AndrAIa could never leave Enzo, no matter what happened. He was truly her best and only friend, her teacher, and the sprite she loved. She had told him once that she loved him - but was that enough?
"Enzo," the game sprite spoke, and for once he didn't snap at her about his name. Matrix slowly turned around, watching her in hopes of forgiveness.
"Enzo," AndrAIa repeated, "you're changing, and it scares me. I don't want to lose you." Her voice sounded tiny and weak, and Matrix felt a chill that had nothing to do with the weather curl up his spine.
He took only a moment to figure out his decision. "DrAIa, I'm . . . I'm sorry," he sighed, walking over and taking her in his arms. "I . . . I really didn't mean what I said. I'm scared too," he admitted in a whisper.
We're painting pictures, making magic,
AndrAIa wrapped her arms tightly around him and rested her head against his shoulder. "I never want to lose you," she replied into his skin. "I love you."
Matrix made her lift her head. "I love you too," he replied softly. It was one of the few times he had told her, and it made AndrAIa's core-com lift.
Taking chances,
They were face-to-face, now. AndrAIa leaned her head up and brushed her mouth against his, once, then again, then a third time. They held the kiss for several moments, drawing breath from one another.
They drew back gently, then they returned, becoming more accustomed to one another. They had kissed before, but now they felt an added need for comfort from each other. AndrAIa wrapped her arms around Matrix's neck and moved closer to him. He wrapped one of his arms around her waist while he stroked her hair softly with the other.
Her core-com was thudding against his, and AndrAIa's hands began to move up and down his back. He moaned softly through the kiss and deepened it, pulling her tighter against his body.
They broke away roughly, and AndrAIa looked up breathlessly into the eyes of her friend. She saw the desire there, burning through her. She knew that her eyes reflected that longing. She placed her hands on both sides of his face and kissed him hungrily. When he replied equally, heat rushed through her.
As they kissed again, Matrix tightened his arms around AndrAIa, and they started to move across the room toward their bedrolls. Matrix gently laid AndrAIa on her back, and he leaned down to her.
They came up for air, and their eyes locked as they realized what was about to happen. As Matrix tried to catch his breath, he watched AndrAIa carefully. Strangely, he wasn't afraid of this; the only thing he would ever be afraid of was what his life would be without her. Doubt and worry threatened to stop him now, but the feelings fled when he saw AndrAIa's eyes mirror his determination. He loved her, and she loved him.
He lowered his head to hers. As their lips locked again, she began to untie the clasps on his jacket. He ran his hands over her body and carefully lifted off her skintight top.
Making love
Rasta Mon left at a fast walk. True, no Protector wanted to be around for that part of the Protected's life; but the thought of what was about to happen made his stomach turn violently. They were only 1.7 - they were too young to decide to have sex! Too young, he repeated, shaking his head. And how could they handle it? He wondered.
He could feel the passion mount around them, making it hard for him to breathe. His link to Matrix forced him to feel the lust between his charge and AndrAIa as a tangible thing.
Rasta Mon pushed aside the flap of the tent and emerged outside. He let the cool night air brush against his face as he breathed hard.
If walls could talk - oh
No. No, he couldn't let this happen.
They would say "I want you more"
He was supposed to protect Enzo, to take care of him. Rasta Mon couldn't let his charge surrender to this - the want for some sort of safety in the horrible, dark ages.
They would say "Hey - never
felt like this before"
And that you would always be
The one for me
Thunder rumbled distantly.
If the walls had eyes - my
They would see the love inside
Something inside Matrix knew what to do. It was as if a program had been switched on, and he was suddenly flooded with the knowledge of how to make AndrAIa happy.
They would see - me
In your arms in ecstasy
And with every move they'd know
I love you so
And he wanted nothing more than to pleasure the sprite beneath him. He loved her with all of his body and his entire core, and tonight he was going to show her his feelings.
When I'm feeling weak
You give me wings
Matrix gently kissed AndrAIa's neck, nuzzling into the curve against her skin.
When the fire has no heat
You light it up again
His kisses felt like fire, searing along her body. She cradled his head and stroked his hair with her hands.
When I hear no violins
You play my every string
She bent her head and whispered soft words into his ear in her sweet voice.
So stop the press
Matrix held her against him as they prepared themselves for what they knew was soon to come. He stroked her cheek with his finger as he stared into her eyes, clouded with the same passion as his. "DrAI, I . . ." he started, then faltered. He took her hand, twining his fingers with hers. "Can we . . ."
She nodded, her eyes never leaving his as she kissed his fingers. "I trust you," she breathed.
Hold the news
Matrix carefully crouched over her body, his own body trembling with nervousness and anticipation. AndrAIa framed his face with her hands and smiled at him. The love and trust in her eyes almost drove him over the edge. He vowed to himself that he would make this long and slow, for her. For both of them.
The secret's safe between me and you
As AndrAIa's first scream came, Rasta Mon felt droplets of rain pound furiously at him. He looked up and just stood there, letting the pouring rain wash over him.
Walls - can you keep a secret?
Raster Monitor was numbed by the cold, oblivious to any feeling.
He felt wetness on his face, from the rain flowing down in rivulets. Then he realized that he was crying.
Those two - not just Matrix, but also AndrAIa - had touched his life in ways he hadn't understood at first, still didn't comprehend. Even now he could feel their emotions mingling with his, like a bittersweet taste, weighing heavily on his tongue.
If walls could talk - oh
They would say "I want you more"
They would say "Hey - never felt like this before"
And that you would always be
The one for me
If the walls had eyes - my
Enzo's core-com was pounding harder than he had ever known it to. All through his body he felt an overwhelming sense of content. But through the bliss that was slowly descending upon him, he felt a sob rise in his chest; even though he had chased away his demons for the time being, he would still remember the angry words that had passed between him and AndrAIa.
A soft moan came from beside him. Matrix jerked over to see his friend and newfound lover lying on her side, shivering. He couldn't tell if it was just the cold or something more. He pulled AndrAIa's shaking body to his and held her desperately against him.
They would see the love inside
AndrAIa's arms wrapped around his waist, and she buried her head against his chest, whispering his name; her voice was trembling as badly as her body. Matrix stroked her hair - a gesture he always found comforting - and tried to soothe her.
He bit the inside of his cheek to fight the despair rising inside of him. What irony, he thought bitterly. I lost my innocence in a Game. A Game! And I was so scared - He tried to swallow past the lump that threatened to choke him in his throat. I'm so scared right now...
They would see - me
In your arms in ecstasy
AndrAIa turned her face up to his, her hands pressed against his chest. "I love you, Enzo," she breathed. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and the shimmering turquoise orbs looked weary beyond belief.
And with every move they'd know
The same desperation was reflected in the mismatched eyes of her partner. Matrix replied softly, "I love you too, AndrAIa" as he leaned down and kissed her. AndrAIa clutched his head with her hands and held him tightly to her as they kissed; but soon her arms weakened from sheer exhaustion, and she let go of him. As they broke the kiss, her eyes fluttered shut and she snuggled against him.
I love you so
They were so young. It was so sad, to see them lose their innocence on a stormy night when it all became too much.
They looked so helpless, lying there together, their limbs entangled, their eyes closed in sleep. They looked sad and weary.
And they looked in love. For the first time Rasta Mon began to think that maybe this night was meant for something. He started to smile as he thought of how the events that had gone on would bring Enzo and AndrAIa even closer, strengthening their bond and helping them through worse times.
Somehow, through times as desperate as this, they would make it through.
For the first time, Rasta Mon was happy that Enzo had been his Protected.
I love you so
"If Walls Could Talk" is © 1999 Celine Dion